Dr. Carla Jensen's Relationship Quiz

Please select the healthiest response to each question.

1) When you are first BEGINNING a relationship (1):

  1. Insist on a commitment or an exclusive relationship before agreeing to begin a new relationship.
  2. Snoop and gather information about your new partner. It is less mature at this early stage of a relationship to confront your new partner with inconsistencies and discrepancies in what they have shared with you about themselves.
  3. Be prepared to take things slow; be aware of each other's comfort with intimacy and the stages of commitment.
  4. Compare each other to past partners; this will reassure your partner that they are what you have been looking for.

2) When you are first BEGINNING a relationship (2):

  1. Get sexually involved to reassure your partner of your interest.
  2. Be unpredictable and mysterious without explanation to keep your partner from taking you for granted. It is good to initially be unresponsive, create insecurity and that "I can't live without you feeling / you can't live without me" dance.
  3. It's important to tell your new partner in detail your whole life story; it is not fair to with hold any information from your new partner when you are first beginning a relationship. Always disclose your financial, medical and sexual history information.
  4. Be open and honest about how you feel and experience your new partner, honest feedback is important early in the relationship.

3) When you are IN a relationship (1):

  1. Now is the time to insist that your partner make changes to improve themselves; it is your job to help your partner improve their appearance and bad habits that you decided to ignore initially.
  2. If my partner loves me, they should know how I feel and what I need without me having to tell them.
  3. Talk about commitment, define your terms, be honest, don't make promises you can't keep, don't be critical of your partner's feelings and needs, keep the door open for further discussion.
  4. It is okay to flirt with other attractive people who catch your eye; it adds a healthy completive edge to a relationship. Obviously, your partner should be able to keep their jealousy in check and feel secure.

4) When you are IN a relationship (2):

  1. Intimacy includes, giving you space when you are in a bad mood, pressuring you to try new things, doting or fussing over you, wanting sex after an argument.
  2. Common and appropriate intimacy needs require a frequent need for reassurance, receiving cliche's instead of real understanding, sex when other forms of intimacy aren't working, and possessiveness.
  3. Genuine intimacy involves three factors: Connecting, Caring and Sharing. Intimacy can be achieved through Thought, Talk, Touch, or Togetherness.
  4. It is inappropriate for a partner to complain in a not attacking way if they are motivated by a desire for more closeness, not to push you away.

5) When it's time to get OUT of a relationship (1):

  1. You both love one another deeply but can't seem to resolve issues from your past relationships and old family issues that are now repeating in your present relationship.
  2. Your partner has admitted to cheating in the relationship but is remorseful and willing to seek relationship counseling with you to understand and resolve why the infidelity occurred.
  3. There are ongoing sexual and communication problems in the relationship that affect your self-esteem.
  4. Your partner is kind of abusive and constantly angry; fidelity has now become an issue, including incessant flirting in your presence. You are feeling excluded in your partner's plans with relatives and friends. Your partner blames and devalues you for the relationship problems and says you need therapy, not them.

6) When it's time to get OUT of a relationship (2):

  1. Your partner is in frequent contact with one or more ex's and talks with them on the phone a lot; however, they are willing to include you in the friendship.
  2. Your partner divulges to you that they have credit problems, debts, shaky finances and "temporary hard times."
  3. Your partner is in denial and refuses to discuss that they have a drug or alcohol abuse problem; however, they profess their continued devotion and love for you.
  4. Prior to beginning a sexual relationship with you, your partner tells you that they have genital herpes.


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